I feel so ugly and worthless, i just cant handle all these memories that come back to haunt me, all these nasty comments on how i am, look or how stupid i am. Or how my parents kept fighting each other all the fucking time without knowing how mentally and emotionally fucked i am. Or those times when people in my school gave me cold distant looks everytime i passed by them. Or teachers that wanted me to fail so badly to just get rid of me. I hate all those memories. I hate reminiscing them now when i have it all good. Everytime i do something good or look good i just keep hearing those nasty voices with rude comments in my head. It has ruined me emotionally. The fact that im diagnosed with bipolar disorder is no suprise to me, i drastically change moods due to my overthinking. I just hate everything. Though i stop saying that when i know theres other people that have it worse than me. I have a roof above my head, a good family who gives me things for example: Ipad, expensive headphones, computer clothes to keep me warm etc. And alot of food to keep me healthy. Of course, i should be happy, but for some fucking reason my past and my thoughts about everything has driven me self-hate and hate towards my life. Im sorry im writing this on my blog, i know this isnt a place for my emotions.
